Love@firstbyte

Ann Cassidy is from Dubai.

Maurice Gallagher is from London

She loves partying.

He is a homebody.

She enjoys long walks on the beach.

He hates sand in his shoes.

Normally, they would have nothing in common but when their wires crossed in cyberspace, it was love at first byte.
 
Welcome to the ever-growing world of internet-based relationships, where love can be discovered at the mere click of a mouse.

Studies conducted by various online agencies show that a typical internet user spends 7-8 hours surfing per week.

The heaviest users - online 40 hours or more per week - are usually male or below the age of 50, who rate chatting with new people as one of their favourite activities.

This was the case for Gallagher, when he logged on to a popular chat website one evening to make some new friends.

What he discovered was ‘Tinkerbell’ aka Cassidy being bullied by ‘Creepy Crawly’.

He found himself taking up her cause at the time, and her hand in marriage a few months later.

While not all stories have a happy ending, it does shed light on the rapid growth of online dating and chat websites.

Less than a generation ago, the search for love was limited by one’s location and governed by time and space.

That all changed when the internet revolution gave rise to a new trend, with millions of web users opting for cyber dating in hopes of meeting their match or simply having a good time.

But even with relationships now closely tied-up on the World Wide Web, we ask ourselves, how did love become so wired?
 
Lonely hearts club

Says Dr Amit Seth, specialist psychologist: “There are various reasons why people go looking for companionship amongst strangers via the internet, with the foremost being a channel with which they can combat loneliness.

Sometimes people are so introverted in social styles that developing relations in secret is the only avenue they seem comfortable pursuing.

“There could be a pathological reason also, as some may be insecure about their looks or their social status.”

Seth explains that humans have this immense need to communicate and interact with others.

The internet almost becomes a manifestation of this immense need for someone with a low self-esteem to pursue a cyber relationship due to the less threatening nature of communication.

Plus, there are those who prefer not being caught in social traps that come with a normal relationship. The cloak of darkness allows them to be what they want and pursue what they want.

“The internet, hence, becomes a playground for someone to hone their relationship skills and obtain ‘social skills training’, which can prove to be very healthy for the individual,” he says.

But there are two sides to every coin. Dr Seth states that if the internet is used more as a defence mechanism against relationships in the real world, then this may prove unhealthy in the long run.

“Trust also becomes an issue, with the very basic nature of the internet making people very suspicious of other chatters and users. This proves toxic to the development of meaningful relationships.”

Experts say that psychological disorders are also part of a ‘chatter profile’ where some have the need to interact with other people to feel wanted and dependant.

These can be harmful when these disorders are channeled towards harming others indirectly or directly. 

You’ve got mail

Online affairs have not restrained themselves to just the chat rooms, but have ventured into a booming and ever-growing industry.

According to a study conducted by the Online Publishers Association (OPA) and comScore Networks, the US online dating market is expected to spend nearly $932 million in 2011.

Matchmaking and matrimonial websites are the flavour of Generation Y, with arguably the largest dating website, the US-based Match.comm boasting a figure of 20 million members.

Albeit it is banned in the UAE, the website records a daily average of five million hits from 240 countries or territories.

“Online dating has lost its stigma because we are a jet-set society who can’t be bothered wasting time at a bar to meet like-minded singles or even hoping our friends or family members will hook us up,” says Priya Suri, a New York based banker.

“I will not say that it’s all roses, but you will eventually meet someone, and frankly, with a better screening process than your average blind date.”

More than a decade old, Match.com quotes that each year, an average of 200,000 members report of meeting their partners through the website.

According to recent research by WeddingChannel.com, today 12 per cent of engaged or married couples meet online, with demographics showing that the single members community comprises 60 per cent male, while the remaining 40 per cent are women and not the other way round as most perceive.

“It’s not just the women who are looking for the right partner,” says Amir Habib*, a former UAE resident who is now on Match.com.

“Men are just as unlucky in love, especially in a place like the UAE where single people find it extremely difficult to mingle.”

Another website that seems to have left its mark in this region is the Asian matrimonial website Shaadi.com. The site records an average of nearly 100 million page views in a month - nearly 3.5 million hits daily.

A spokesperson from the website stated: “A wider choice is definitely a contributing factor to people signing up at Shaadi.com. Also, online matchmaking is a very cost effective and economical way of finding a suitable life partner. It provides a global choice of thousands of members cutting across age groups, professions, regions, religions, and communities.

The interactivity, accessibility and hence effectiveness of the online medium make it a preferred medium for finding a life partner.”
 
Social media and the UAE

In the last few years, the social media phenomenon has seen the meteoric rise of websites such as Facebook.com and Twitter.com, and along with it, the chance for individuals to interact more openly then ever before.

In a recent survey amongst 1,000 women by YouGov Siraj, half of the women in the UAE admitted to browsing the internet for more than seven hours weekly, with most of the time used for social networking and to connect with friends on sites such as Facebook.

Meanwhile, a recent survey published by Facebakers, a site that provides information on Facebook statistics and applications, revealed that 36 per cent of the UAE's population was registered on Facebook, making it the leader in the Middle East and North Africa (Mena) region, followed by Qatar with 29 per cent penetration.

Out of the 1.6m users registered across the UAE, 63 per cent are male and 37 per cent females.

The UAE ranks second among internet usage in Middle Eastern countries.

Says Karen Stanford, a Dubai resident and an avid Facebook user, “In the three years I’ve been on Facebook, I have forged amazing friendships and even met the man of my dreams. The stigma of online relationships is really a thing of the past now.”

Does this mean that the concept of love has to change with the times, accepting the varied ways of online relationships? Jim Safka, CEO of Match.com doesn’t seem to think so. He said in a statement: “Everything about the way people connect, communicate and find love has changed, but the basic human desire for love is the same, as it’s always been.”

Suri agrees, saying: “Indeed, the concept of love hasn’t changed with the online revolution; it just has moulded itself to keep up with the times.”
 

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