Quirky side of sport

Heard the joke going around about the cycling race taking place in France?

Apparently it is a big thing, not the race, the joke. I haven't actually heard it, but if I could venture a guess it would probably be a one-liner saying something like: the Tour de France is still a major sports event.

Actually its not funny anymore, it's quite sad. No really it is. We are witnessing the slow and painful death of an event that transfixed sports fans until just a few years ago. People would cry – if they still cared.

Ever since Lance Armstrong – the man who was the Tour de France for so many years – retired it just hasn't been the same.

You would have thought with the dominant force in cycling calling it a day the other cyclists would have raised their hands. Instead many have raised their hands to shove drug-filled needles in their arms.

As the race dwindles to a finish on Sunday, the good news is that no more people have tested positive this week for performance-enhancing drugs and, no, that's not a joke. However, the people that have tested positive last week and the week before and the year before, have done enough to marr the event and cause a horrendous decline for the sport.

Speaking of jokes, that's exactly what Australia made of world champions South Africa in the tri-nations when they beat them 16-9 at the weekend. The problem with being world champion is that everybody wants to beat you and lifts their game accordingly and when you lose it's not so funny – unless you support the other team.

I have another joke for you: have you heard the one about the Formula One team who tried to stop their driver from winning the German Grand Prix by delaying his pitstop so he would slip from first to seventh place with just 17 laps to go? In the end the driver, a certain Lewis Hamilton, still had the last laugh by launching a remarkable comeback to win the race and go top of the Drivers' Championship standings by four points.

Sheepish McLaren boss Ron Dennis mumbled an apology to Hamilton afterwards: "Very sorry we made it a little more difficult for you. We just wanted to give you the opportunity of driving a great racing car. Well done."

"That's OK Ron. I forgive you in some ways," choked Hamilton with tear-filled eyes. Alright, he didn't have tears in his eyes and neither did he choke the words out, but you wonder if he would have been as forgiving if he hadn't won.

Since we are talking about funny things to happen this week, it might be worthwhile to mention that Nelson Piquet Jr, who finished second in that race, started in a not so funny 17th position.

There is also this joke about a 53-year-old golfer, who last played a round in December, winning the British Open. It would have been hilarious if it had been true, because apparently this golfer has such a bad back he barely practises any longer.

To top it off, had Greg Norman not choked in the final round of the last week's Major, it would have been a laugh to see the faces of other golfers, who were overjoyed that finally there was no Tiger Woods in the line-up, when they realised they were now beaten by a retired, part-timer.

Meanwhile, in Canada, Roger Federer, playing in his first match since losing the Wimbledon final, lost again.

This time to the No22 seed Giles Simon in the second round of a tournament sharing his name – the Roger's Cup. We are witnessing the end of another who transfixed sports fans.

Now for one last joke, did you hear about the 'Australian' roof-tiler who was sneaked into the England team that lost by 10 wickets against South Africa in the second cricket Test?

If not, read all about Darren Pattinson in tomorrow's weekend edition of Emirates Business.