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DHONI THE PLAYER

India's cricket star Mahendra Singh Dhoni has been assigned an all female group of bodyguards by Indian police this week to keep away unwanted admirers. No wonder he pulled out of the current Sri Lanka tour to rest at home.

'The move comes after two recent incidents in which female fans tried to throw themselves on the player,' the AP story continues.

'Dhoni, known for his good looks and swashbuckling style on the cricket pitch, is one of the biggest celebrities in cricket-crazy India, endorsing everything from hair gel to motorcycles.

'He has already been given Z-class security – the highest level – from the state, usually reserved for the prime minister and senior political figures.'

OWN GOAL

"I don't like going to bed at night with only one left-back," reveals Wycombe Wanderers manager Peter Taylor, putting a whole new spin on player-coach relationships.

BANKING ON A PELE MISS

Pele was not overly impressed at the unveiling of a statue commemorating Gordon Banks' "Save of the Century" at the Britannia Stadium.

"I score more than 1,000 goals in my life, but the goal I don't score they remember," chirped the legendary striker.

TREAT 'EM MEAN, KEEP 'EM KEEN

Former tennis player and now senior ATP official Justin Gimelstob (yes, we hadn't heard of him before this either) was in a strange mood on a radio show ahead of an exhibition match with former tennis player Anna Kournikova (remember her?).

"Hate is a very strong word – I just despise her to the maximum level just below hate," he proclaimed. "I'm going to serve it right at the body, about 128 [mph], right into her midriff. If she's not crying by the time she comes off court then I did not do my job." He also said: "Oh she has a great body, but her face is a five."