Charlie Sheen wants tree-rrific marriage
Charlie Sheen wants to marry a tree.
The 45-year-old actor - who was fired from his sitcom 'Two and a Half Men' for his recent erratic behaviour and drug use - is considering a union with a large plant because his past three marriages to women have all ended badly.
He said: "I'm going to marry a tree because the other type of marriage didn't work so I'm going to marry a tree."
As well as wanting a wooden bride, Charlie - who is currently living in his Beverly Hills house with his two "goddesses", porn star Bree Olsen and part-time model Natalie Kenly - has become obsessed with his book of poetry, which he claims to have written over 20 years ago.
Speaking on his own Ustream channel, which he dubs 'Sheen's Korner', he said: "I'm going to roll an infomercial of my poetry book - the problem is, or the solution is, that it was 20 years ahead of its time, and now it is it's time.
"Now everyone is 20 years in the past behind my book catching up. You had your poetry in your magic fingertips the whole time to flip the pages and read my perfect words but you didn't go there because you judged me, you condemned me, you discarded me. Well not anymore, winning! Waiting and winning for everyone to catch up.
"It's got the best title ever, 'Apocalypse Me - The Jaws of Life'."
The father-of-five - whose father Martin Sheen starred in the acclaimed Vietnam war movie 'Apocalypse Now', which focuses on a rogue American colonel who loses his mind - also bizarrely started speaking about his dog, who he says will "eat trolls".
He ranted: "It's a Sheen dog and its soul is inhabited by the soul of Betty and now it will murder people and eat trolls with its razor fangs and drop their spleens off with their children at tiny houses. I'm foiled by phones and trolls!"
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