‘Don’t make decisions at 3am’: The Australian ‘baby whisperer’ on helping Dubai families sleep

Dubai: It’s 2am. You’ve just woken up, once again, because your baby refuses to go to bed without you.

It’s during these mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting nights that parents often find themselves at the end of their tether.

It’s a situation all too familiar to Australian baby sleep consultant Anna Baker, who has been helping parents and children for over 15 years and has recently begun operations of her company ‘Sleep Baker’ in Dubai.

“Don’t make decisions at 3am – I teach that to all my clients. They’re going to say terrible things, because they’re sleep deprived, they’re tired. It’s about getting everyone to sleep,” she said.

Easier said than done. But after helping over 34,000 families finally get those previous hours of sleep at night, Baker says there are some things all parents can do to ease the situation.

Growing up in Australia, Baker said she initially wanted to become a doctor, getting her Bachelors degree in medical science. But overtime, she developed a strong passion for understanding reflux in babies.

As she worked with parents, trying to help babies who were fussy and uncomfortable, she began to see a similar picture across cases – parents and children pushed to the end of their tether because of sleep deprivation.

“I would like to say 80 per cent weren’t sleeping because they had pain,” she said.

As she went on home visits, the image of families worn down due to a lack of sleep became even more vivid.

“I was going to people’s houses and they just weren’t happy. Parents would talk to me, not to each other, so I became the middle man,” she said.

Her focus then shifted to working with these families to both the child and the parents be able to sleep better.

The toll sleep deprivation can take on families as a whole is high – from children who can experience life-long effects of not being able to sleep well, to parents who are going through life on an empty tank.

A 2022 survey commissioned by UK baby sleep brand Snüz found that new parents lose 133 nights of sleep in the first year of having a child.

“You don’t catch up on it in one night. You will make mistakes and you will be irritated,” she said.

“Children, who’ve never really learnt how to sleep on their own and sleep well, go to school anxious and roll over to be anxious adults. You’re driving a car with a child and you haven’t slept in four days. People aren’t aware of how dangerous it can be until something bad happens,” she said.

For parents who are desperate to find a solution, advice from friends, family or even social media can lead to more confusion than clarity.

Sleep training methods and practices can also vary greatly. On the one end is the Ferber or ‘cry it out’ method, where parents gradually increase the periods of waiting before responding to a crying child at bedtime, and on the other is co-sleeping – where parents and children sleep together.

“There’s so much noise. Parents don’t have the confidence to do it,” she said.

This is why Baker’s approach involves visiting families for a week, and gently but firmly setting up practices and habits that help every member of the family get a good night’s sleep. While the sleeping times and arrangements can vary on a case-by-case basis, consistency, she says, is key.

“Find a method that works for you, it’s just about being consistent – that’s where parents are just misled 80 per cent of the time. And at night, if I walk into a house and its chaos, it’s often because of that,” she said.

“I arrive at 6.30 at night and I’m mainly there for the parents. I’m working for the child and putting those methods in place. I tell my parents what’s going to happen and we begin,” she said.

The approach involves a combination of factors – having the right amount of darkness in the room, so that a stirring child does not automatically sit up and start crying; if a child does start crying, going back in the room so that they don’t become anxious, and most importantly, sticking to the approach.

“I will make sure I go into the room whenever a child cries or asks for reassurance, touching them and talking to them. Touch and talk is safety for them,” she said.

But the approach can be difficult, especially since in the first few days, this can mean that a parents has to repeat this process a number of times – attending to the child and helping them go back to sleep calmly. But it’s an approach that helps build a lifelong skill for the child and calmer nights for parents.

“If sleep training was so easy, I wouldn’t have a team of 38. But I would rather spend two hours teaching them how to sleep knowing how it will help. You can often see a change in three nights,” she said.

“Kids need to know its dinner, bath, bed. They need predictability,” she said.

A healthy, filling dinner can help children not wake up hungry and ask for night feeds, which is not just a physical need, but often an emotional one, too. The bath, Baker says, helps regulate children’s nervous system, calming them down before they are tucked into bed. And finally, the trick is to stick to the plan.

Working with parents across cultures has also helped Baker adjust arrangements according to each family’s needs.

“I never want to change anything if it has to do with bonding with mum and bub. A lot of cultures practice co-sleeping and I’m fine with that. It’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you. If I have a mum who has a nine-month-old up four times at night, it’s a problem,” she said.

15 years ago, when Baker started her sleep training practice, the idea was still unheard of. But as she made her way from one home to another, helping parents and children get those precious hours of rest, word began to spread.

She soon had high-profile celebrities calling her up, asking for help, quickly getting the monicker “Australia’s baby whisperer”.

“The great thing is that babies don’t care what your post code is. Also, when a high-profile person calls, they wanted your service yesterday, so it is about prioritising them because they can’t afford to continue the way things are. They just want the results,” she said.

Among the 34,000 families she has helped in the past 15 years are those of Australian actor Russel Crowe, actor and singer Danielle Spencer, fashion designer Camilla Franks and Olympian Dr. Jana Pittman.

Last November, she came to Dubai, looking to expand her services globally. As she conducted her first masterclass and consulted a few families, the word, once again, began to spread.

“When I did my first master class last year, I was shocked at how many parents turned up and couldn’t believe their eight-year-old child can’t actually sleep on their own,” she said.

Some of her first few clients involved helping families who employer ‘night nannies’ – nannies who took care of children at night.

“A lot of them were sharing experiences like: ‘I have a nine-month-old who has three bottle feeds at night’ or ‘I have a 14-month-old who has stopped taking naps’. Some caregivers assume that ending naps during the day is good, but depending on their age, children need them, otherwise they will be overtired and prone to tantrums. So, it was also the night nannies that motivated me to make the move to Dubai,” she said.

As Baker and her team began to take on their first few clients, it was the night nannies, she says, who became her biggest supporters.

“It’s because they want to sleep, too, but they were at the door in the middle of the night trying to put a child back to sleep. As they received the help, they started referring us to their friends,” she said.

Today, Baker says she is in Dubai for two weeks every month, while her team of 38 sleep consultants rotates, catering to clients in Australia, the UAE, and soon the US.

Perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions Baker wants to help parents get rid of, and the reason she continues to do her work, is the idea that sleep deprivation and exhaustion is simply a part of parenthood.

“Parents feel bad. They just assume that this comes as part of the stage of having children. But it actually can get better,” she said.

While parents can often reach out to her during some of the worst nights they’ll have, she urges them to not start sleep training on nights that already stressful, or choosing an approach that would not fit their family dynamic.

Training your children to sleep is also not the same as depriving them of affection or attention. Baker, in fact, advocates for a practical, loving approach to helping children develop this lifelong skill.

Her message is simple: choose an approach that works for your family, establish predictable routines and follow through.

If you, too, are struggling with creating a bedtime routine, and have your child waking up multiple times during the night, here are some practical tips that can help, according to Baker:

Children respond to routine, Baker says. Keep the sequence simple and repeat it every night – dinner, bath and bed. “Even a three-month-old knows that when you pick up a sleeping bag up its bedtime,” she said.

2. Keep the room dark and minimise stimulation

Create an environment that signals it is time to sleep. Baker recommends a dark room and says white noise can be useful for masking disruptive household sounds and creating a consistent sleep environment.

3. Skipping day naps isn’t always a good idea

Depending on their age, children may still need daytime sleep. Baker says dropping naps too early can leave a child overtired – and an overtired child can actually become harder to settle at bedtime.

4. Find a method that works for your family

There is no single sleep-training method that will suit every child or household. Baker says parents should consider their child's age, temperament and needs as well as their own parenting style. “Find a method that works for you. It’s just about being consistent.”

5. Set boundaries and stick to them

Setting a bedtime boundary helps regulate a child’s body clock, and becomes easier to implement when you are consistent with it, especially on days when both parents are exhausted.

6. Give children an opportunity to settle

You necessarily need to intervene immediately every time your older child stirs or makes a sound. “Don’t be afraid to let your child settle on their own,” Baker said. How much support a child needs, however, varies, and the initial training period can lead to separation anxiety kicking in. This is why Baker advises parents to stay consistent with the approach they adopt.