In a league of its own

It’s the start of the new Premier League season and that means everyone who has a few quid lying around wants to buy Liverpool.

The true measure of “having arrived” is not a yacht, or a seat on Virgin Galactic’s space flight, or a dacha, or an Embraer jet, or a sex tape out on the internet.

It’s a Premier League club. It doesn’t matter that the world is in financial ruin and the average man (at least in the UAE) is in debt.

If you really want to adjectivise the word “rich” in your portfolio, a Premier League club is a must-have on your balance sheet.

Preferably in the assets column. But hey, if the clubs are heavily in debt, so what?

In the world of wealth management if the bank owes you a billion euros, it is their problem.

At least eight of the 20 clubs playing in this year’s top-flight of English football are owned or bankrolled by foreigners.

And that’s not counting Mohammed Al Fayed.

This means, there are still several clubs up for grabs.

Each year analysts will advise investors not to follow the Chelsea model and buy readymade success, but instead, to perhaps look at Preston North End, and build a club, organically, like one builds a business.

Or at least, follow Arsene Wenger’s frugal model at Arsenal, they will say.

Where buying readymade stars is taboo. Like a stud farm for football talent, breed them instead. You don’t have to win, you have to entertain, whinge and be debt-free.

Yet, each year, Chelsea (much to my own chagrin as well) deliver more than satisfactory results, reminding the world that life is not fair and who has the most money wins.
Or, is it, who has the most money and knows how to spend it wins?

Billionaires from India, the Far East and the Middle East (let’s collectively call them the not- broke nations), are waiting and watching with credit lines at the ready.

This is why Manchester City must prove that the Chelsea way is not a fortuitous alignment of money, coaching expertise, talent and luck.

Going by City’s first game yesterday, it would seem coach Roberto Mancini has not learnt the key lesson of the recently-concluded Fifa World Cup.

Ten strikers and no playmaker is no use. Maybe he is waiting for James Milner. If not, this may be his last Ramadan as Man City coach.

In the meantime, if you have a got a few quid lying around, bid for Liverpool. You will not actually buy it of course, because it would be like taking on the debt of a small African country (without any diamonds).

It will get you talked about, though. And bring you lots of free press. And make the club’s current owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks raise their asking price even more.

Of course, if Manchester City does win the league, then, you must buy Liverpool.

Then, you must buy the 25 best players in the world.

Then, you must buy the best available coach.

Then, sit back and savour the sweet taste that comes from buying success in the toughest football league in the world.

Of course, all this is purely for the sake of argument. Because, Manchester United is going to win the league. And they are not up for sale… yet.

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