Vuvuzela-ed out!

Do you know what has the real potential to destroy the World Cup, which begins on Friday?

Not a terrorist strike (most terrorists are major football fans).  Not the high crime rate of South Africa (crime and football have lived in harmony for decades). Not even Italy retaining the title (more on this later).

It’s the vuvuzela.

It’s a horn that produces the kind of sound that manages to mix irritating, noxious and migrane-inducing properties in equal parts.

Let’s put the average stadium capacity in South Africa at 70,000 people.

Let’s put 50,000 vuvuzelas into that crowd. What you now get is a cacophonic wave of sound that engulfs the stadium, the pitch, the TV cameras and finally, your living room, leaving the match experience devoid of any of the sensible audio experiences that normally accompany football.

The sudden rush of cheering that accompanies a slick pass – vuvuzela-ed out. The boos for a cynical tackle - vuvuzela-ed out. The crescendo that accompanies the Mexican wave - vuvuzela-ed out. The climatic expressions of joy at the scoring of a goal… you hear what I’m saying? No, unlikely with the vuvuzela in action.

The TV viewing experience at the Confederations Cup held in South Africa last year, a dress rehearsal for the World Cup, was a nightmare. Such was the incessant volume from the horns that the commentators were exasperated at trying to compete and inject any life into the match for billions of TV viewers.

One can only hope that a limited number of vuvuzelas are let into the stadium when the matches begin.

That is like hoping Italy don’t park the bus and try to defend their way to defending the World Cup.

If you’re a neutral you may be forgiven for not knowing that Italy are in fact, the defending champions.

Going into the tournament, Italy have been the least spoken about defending champions in the modern era of the game. Nobody really gives them a chance.
In fact, Spain, as European champions have been treated like the defending title holders.

That will suit the Italians fine. They will park the bus, or an A380, to paraphrase Jose Mourinho, as long as they win.

Buffon in goal, Chiellini and Cannavaro at the back. Pirlo and the likes of Gattuso (who can man mark a shadow) will hold the midfield and when they do get a chance, Gilardino will poach a goal.

Coach Marcelo Lippi knows it only takes one goal to win a match. Just like I know that unless you're blowing a vuvuzela inside a stadium in South Africa, it will probably destroy the World Cup for you.

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