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Sports odds

 Guess who's back? Yes, this week the legendary Jose Mourinho was unveiled as the new Inter Milan manager in front of legions of journalists eagerly awaiting some classic quotes from the slickest orator football has ever heard.

Remember, this is the man who when unveiled as Chelsea coach in 2004, told the journalists present he was "the Special One". He was just warming them up as he later added: "If I wanted to have an easy job… I would have stayed at Porto – beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me."

So it was somewhat disappointing that the Portuguese manager started this presser (in fluent Italian) with: "I am at a special club, and for that reason I just want to be known as Mourinho – that's it!" But modesty has never being one of Mourinho's strong points as soon after he insisted he had learnt Italian inside four weeks and then he claimed that not only do "almost all" of his former charges at Chelsea want to work with him again, but most of the press corporations do too. We, at the Sports Odds column, are a huge fan of Mourinho quotes – so watch this space.

England woes?

Fifa chief Sepp Blatter has revealed he wants to bring forward the decision on who should host the 2022 World Cup to the same day as the 2018 tournament announcement, after which The Guardian newspaper sarcastically predicted it would mean that: "England can now beat their personal best by missing out on two World Cups in one day."

Stadium announcements

The BBC released some humorous stadium announcer quotes, and our pick from the bunch was this – before a Plymouth-Burnley match: "There's a mustard-coloured Peugeot in the car park, registration XXXXXXX. You've left your windows open. Chances are if your car is a mustard colour, you want it to be nicked, but just to let you know."

Bowled out

Shoaib Akhtar on a five-year career-ending ban from cricket auctioned his Kolkata Knight Riders helmet after the IPL and then revealed: "I think I will donate the money to Mother Teresa or something like that." Now if we were Pakistan Cricket Board, we would have also banned the fast bowler.